So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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