I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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