We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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