i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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