As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
