when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
