Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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