ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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