i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
