Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
