For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
