I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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