im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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