White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
