dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
