and you said cock pushups were impossible
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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