if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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