I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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