there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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