What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
