I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
