I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
