best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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