Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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