He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
