yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
