I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
