I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
