I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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