Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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