new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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