took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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