New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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