He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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