i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
COCAINE IS GR8
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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