im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
