he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
