don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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