dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Randomize
