We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
tell me about the eggs
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