literally had 100 drinks last night.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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