i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
