I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize