??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize