If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize