Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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