Cold hands, warm shart.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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