i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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