I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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