Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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