Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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