Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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