even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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