What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Less talking, more tequila
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
