oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
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