let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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