I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i think i just lost a toe
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
