I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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