I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
