I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize