I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i love accidental penises.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
