That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
