As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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