a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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