I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
