Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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