he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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