you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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