So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
