So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
